This month we finally received an answer to our 6 year journey of infertility. The bottom line is, it’s a lot of me and a little of him. Though we received this answer, I’m not sure what it means or where we will go from here. Since we adopted our son, our whole understanding of family has changed. We love him to the moon and back – beyond anything we had ever imagined. We can’t imagine loving a human being more than him. So we have been asking ourselves… does biology matter to us? Do we need a little clone of ourselves? Without a doubt we want more children. We just have to think things through a little more purposefully. We know now that natural pregnancy will be very unlikely for us so leaving it up to “fate” is somewhat out of the question. We can’t just “try” to have a baby, we have to really make it a goal financially and emotionally. We have to fill out paperwork and applications. We need background checks and social worker visits. We have to go through the process of being approved as parents once again. That is the world of adoption.
We could also reenter the world of fertility treatments. Again, not without expenses – emotional and financial. So much poking and prodding – and at the end of the day even Vegas would laugh at our odds of success. Infertility is not for the faint of heart.
Do you know how many forms of adoption exist? We can choose from domestic infant, foster adopt (different from just fostering), international adoption, and even embryo adoption! We could also go with sperm or egg donor – which is another form of adoption. Within each of these forms of adoption are intricate laws that vary from state to state and even month to month. So when you sign up to adopt – you are in for a lesson you never knew you needed.
“There is so much loss wrapped up in adoption that it is unfair to ask a child to be thankful” – Brooke Randolph
My husband honestly said to me the other day – “I just want to have a child the least stressful way.” Well, for us, that is not an option; it’s all stressful. There is not an easy choice. With fertility treatments the cost is high and the odds of success are low. With adoption the costs are high and the odds of success are high, but the relationship with the birth family is forever and can be stressful. Our child will have questions as they grow up and it may not be easy. Their loss hurts my heart. Though we have a great relationship with our sons birth mother through open adoption, what if all of the children we adopt don’t have such a good experience with their birth families? What if there is jealousy between the children? What if there is hurt feelings? What if I can’t handle it?
What if? x10000000000
It’s a roller coaster of emotions for life.