Apparently I’m Still Accepting Assignments

Hi friends,

People occasionally ask what I do all day now that I don't have a job.

Excellent question.

Last week I saved a baby squirrel.

This happened because I made the reckless decision to leave my children home alone for 90 MINUTES while I went to a class to improve myself.

I came home to discover that my children had acquired a baby squirrel.

So naturally, what should have been a minor wildlife encounter became an entire day of my life.

I researched squirrels. I attempted to reunite the squirrel with its negligent mother. I called a wildlife refuge. I drove 80 minutes. I made seven stupid videos documenting the entire ordeal. (You can watch the absurdity on your favorite version of social media @sheila.chester.live) And ultimately, I delivered the squirrel to professionals who are considerably more qualified to manage squirrels than I am.

Problem solved.

Today my son is home sick. My girls have activities immediately after school. We just got back from a family vacation that I largely made happen. I'm cleaning the house and washing clothes that appear to already be clean.

And this afternoon, I spent several minutes trying to drink soda water out of a partially imploded can.

I tried different angles. Adjusted the opening. Squeezed the can. Repositioned my mouth.

Eventually I poured the soda water into a glass.

Another crisis averted.

And I think I've finally figured out what I do all day.

A lot of stupid little things that wouldn't get done otherwise.

Some are legitimate. Kids need rides. Sick children need parents. Vacations require someone to make reservations and pack enough underwear.

Some are less legitimate.

Nobody asked me to rehabilitate wildlife. (The children did ask)

Nobody required me to spend several minutes outsmarting a damaged aluminum can. (Hydration is important)

But apparently if a problem enters my field of vision, I assume it has been assigned to me.

I spent eight years working in a job where that was genuinely useful. Find the person. Fix the problem. Make the thing happen.

Then I quit my job.

Unfortunately, I did not quit being that person.

I just removed the salary.

So if you're wondering how funemployment is going, apparently I'm now Director of Problems Too Stupid to Mention.

The hours are terrible.

The commute is fantastic.

And the squirrel is somebody else's problem now.

— Sheila